Reboot
“I used to dream about escaping my ordinary life, but my life was never ordinary. I had simply failed to notice how extraordinary it was (page 351).”
– Ransom Riggs, Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children
I will turn a year older in 13 days (as of July 31). Therefore, it is a good timing to write a new content that is like an autobiography in bullets.
It is no secret anymore that I love reading science fiction and fantasy. These stories are the pinnacle of fiction.
It is not the kind of story that is forgotten easily. Fantasy inspires me. Science fiction challenges my imagination.
Both genres allow me to enter a different world and get to empathize with characters who I see myself with and who are complete opposite of me.
Sci-fi and fantasy stories are usually written in trilogy.
The Lord of The Rings serves as the godfather of fantasy books. The world of fantasy is incomplete without it. The Maze Runner is more of a sci-fi series that is also written in trilogy.
Today, I realize my life is a trilogy. Book One of my life began the moment I was born, and it ended in 2015.
Year 2015 was the last vacation I had with My Great Dad in Metro Manila to watch a live tennis exhibition for three consecutive days.
In truth, this was our second tennis adventure together. It was like a two-year contract deal to My Book of Life. The first adventure happened in 2014 then it continued the year after.
All I could think during those years was tennis. It was almost a journey of euphoria.
It was stressful even, but overall, it is and I am writing this in present tenses – It is the great memory worth-remembering!
This was the vacation that I learned more about myself. I learned a lot about my dad too.
He loves me even if we were the most contrasting father and son in the world.
Other people would only say “Dean is arrogant to show-off on Facebook.” In defense of myself, their misinterpretations of me did not define me.
The IPTL Adventure with my dad went beyond the walls of vacation. This adventure tested me big time.
Until now, I could not believe I handled the finances, anxiety and excitement with the right control.
It felt like I graduated a degree of BS Psychology major in Planning 105 LOL.
The Book One of my life ends happily. But wait, below are the other highlights that pushed me beyond my comfort zone.
- Diagnosed with cerebral palsy (1989)
- My Dear Mom died (1992)
The death of my mom was the first turning point of my life. I was still a kid, and I was not aware of the great changes it could bring.
- Failed my first grading in second year high school (1999)
- Failed CSAT due to non-verbal reasoning (2002)
- One-time Dean’s Lister in college (2005)
During my college days, the qualification for the Dean’s Lister was to the roof. Each subject per semester must have a final grade of 90.
I was a regular student from first to fourth year and, it was fair to say I exceled in my majors – but I oftentimes had 89 in one of my minors.
I was like Rafael Nadal if I were to compare my life in tennis. I was limited to exceling in clay tournaments.
I was also like Harry Potter. Harry and I were limited to Defense Against the Dark Arts and Psychology, respectively.
My redemption arc came in third year though. Only two subjects were minors and, luckily, these were English – a literature and an essay writing.
I was like winning the qualifying rounds of Quidditch when I received my grades during that semester. My lowest among my majors was 92, my minors did not fail me, and my overall average was 94. At last!
Being a one-time Dean’s Lister in college was the most underrated happy moment of my life.
My college life ended on a high. It was a happy moment to be an Outstanding Graduate, but nothing compared to the thrill and suspense to being a Dean’s Lister for the first time.
Being a Dean’s Lister required hard work, sleepless nights and surviving the flu-like days.
I was having a weak immune system during those times. I was behaving like Jem Carstairs in Cassandra Clare’s love triangle trilogy, The Infernal Devices.
All sacrifices paid off as in the end, figuratively speaking, I gave justice to my name.
There were more unforgettable memories of my Book One. These were:
- First love | First triangle (2007)
- Hired as SEO Content Writer (2007)
- Promoted as SEO Analyst (2012)
- Played Wii-tennis vs her (2012)
- Letting go of her (2015)
Recover
“The ones you trust are always the most dangerous. A lot more kings and princesses got poisoned by their friends than eaten by bears (page 98).”
– James S.A. Corey, Book 8 of The Expanse
Book Two of my life was filled with trials, tribulations and milestones.
Years 2016 to 2022 tested me heavily. It began with a nasty fall one night. This moment pushed me to make a calculated decision to return to physical therapy for good.
My frequent trips to Davao Doctors Hospital were seemed like a renaissance era. I understood the physical side of me clearer and better.
It was never easy to listen to my physiatrist and physical therapists when they say I can never walk normally again.
This required another layer of courage, acceptance and resilience.
I will grow old with this truth, and it is up to me to re-adjust myself living with this truth every single day.
Pain, frustration and anger were the dominant emotions of my Book Two.
- Best friend betrayal (2017)
- Elected as Alumni President (2018)
The picture above was the DDC Alumni Christmas Party in Kopi lah Roti Function Hall in Davao City. I was that person with a goofy face on a wheelchair.
- Love triangle again (2018)
- Diagnosed with Anxiety & Depression (2019)
- My Great Dad died (2021)
- Diagnosed with COVID-19 (2021)
- My Weirdest Birthday (2021)
- Number 1 in Goodreads (2022)
- Rebirth of August 13 (2022)
- Betrayed & Gossiped (2022)
It was easy to hate my Book Two. To an extent, this was an era to learn great lessons.
My trust for a number of people was broken permanently. These people knew me for years but the way they betrayed me and the way they attempted to destroy my reputation and character, they seemed to know me like a stranger.
They seemed to have poor level of self-awareness too. All they did was to transfer to me their deep insecurities in life – without them knowing.
These people have small minds. Small minds are shallow. Starting gossips and spreading fake news about someone are their hobbies.
Delusional minds hate logic. Being logical is a difficult lifestyle for them. All what they do in life is hide inside their invisible closets full of denials and false belief.
Re-focus
“To know who you are without any delusions or sympathy is a moment of revelation that no one experiences unscathed.”
Book Three will be the next 10 years of my life, and the years after. This is the finale; therefore, I want to succeed.
- Independent Rational Me
As early as now, 2023 shapes up as a year to reboot, recover and re-focus.
Failures will come along the way, as expected. More Shruikin-like dragons will attack me and more Gollums will betray me too.
It will hurt me. It will consume my energy defending myself. Therefore, it is best to ignore all of them.
My project for this 2023 and beyond is to re-focus. I will not aspire to be a psychologist anymore, for I will be a better SEO Analyst.
I will love the art & science of internet marketing more, but I will not expect myself to grow old as SEO Analyst.
Hopin’ and prayin’ I will be prepared when that day comes.
I will not travel far during these next ten years. De-stressing myself does not mean seeing places I can see in Google Images.
De-stressing myself means I will get more sleep, my IBS attacks will not be frequent, and I will have more adventures inside Fully Booked – my Number 1 favorite bookstore here in the Philippines.
I already have a happy moment with my favorite nieces. The one left in my list is my favorite nephew.
- Independent Irrational Me
On the next ten years, I will have a list of places I forbid myself to visit.
These places are cemetery and funeral homes.
Do not get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with these places. Just that, I am feeling uncomfortable to stay in places I am not supposed to be.
It is already enough that I visited My Great Dad once after 6 July 2021. In truth, I do not feel the presence of my parents in cemetery anymore.
Those are only their rectangular tomb stones with fancy letterings made by the creative artists of Davao Memorial Park.
I am strongly aware I am being irrational – yes – but please understand cemetery was a place where I was always with my dad to visit mom.
Yet, since things have changed big time, it seems healthier for my mental health to stop being in places that will allow frustration-filled memories to flood on me.
I am not a Man of Steel. I have limitations. I have boundaries.
- Questions Without Answers
A person’s life is considered the most amazing story to tell with the most predictable ending.
I ask myself a lot of questions even if I do not know the answers. How will I end and when will I end are the two questions, I have no answers.
I do not look forward to it too. The yesterday version of myself, who lived inside a cage of pretense and suicidal thoughts, converts into someone who is an achiever.
I want to achieve more without spending too much. I am free as a bird now.
I have accomplished some and I have let go of some.
I am independent, and I am going to hit more winners to make the next ten years of my life successful.
This is going to be the Epic Final Quidditch Match of my life!
And, probably, instead of asking myself how will I end and when will I end, I better ask myself –
Who are these new people who can make an impact in my life during The Next 10?
I AM SURVIVORDEAN 