Last moment with the Judas Best Friend I Once Had was a gentleman handshake. I shook his hand after our confrontation about his betrayal. It was a firm handshake, but I removed my hand and said, “You break my trust.”
The Judas Best Friend I Once Had was the person I could not trust anymore. I already forgave myself for being his best friend for more than a decade. And that was enough. No need of seeing each other again. Zero communication whatever happens.
He was not a good conversationalist anyway. In truth, I became a slave of his illogical words and interpretations throughout our friendship.
One,
“Psychology is for gay men.” Interesting idea why he said something like this in front of me. I mean, I am a graduate of psychology, and it was unbelievable he was putting a limitation in a field of interest that I love. I have nothing against LBGTQ, and by saying psychology is for gay men or only gay men took up psychology, he must have some serious issues against gay men. Or, he was attacking my sexual orientation again.
Just a reality check: Overt and covert gay men – forced or not forced to marry to have children – are part of the community. There are gay men in every field of interest whether it is psychology, nursing or engineering etc.
Plus, psychology is one boring field if we are all straight men.
Two,
Everything about me is gay to him. It makes me wonder he always linked every little thing that I do as being gay. The way I talked with him, gay. The tennis I love, gay. The way I update my Facebook Profile, gay. Curious, since when a social networking website is connected to human sexuality?
From what I learned, even Alfred Kinsey who is an American sexologist has used an objective scale to describe the fluidity of sexual orientation.
Three,
“Borrowing money is a leverage.” My bloodline is filled with successful businessmen and businesswomen while I stick to working to support myself independently. For sure, I am not the richest in terms of assets. I wish I am but it never gets there. Although I learn something being a part of the tree. Money belongs to the Security needs in Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. The way people handle money make a connection with the Self-esteem, which is a higher need in the hierarchy.
Money is more about budgeting to ensure the healthy level of self-esteem. This is how I understand money in general. I doubt it why he sees it as a leverage when borrowing money. This belief seems complicated unless one has mastered the science and art of credit. Borrowing money to someone or from the bank, no matter how small or big the amount is, means you need to pay it back on time. If not, life gets more stressful that is bad for the mental health.
Four,
Thank God he was not with me. To be a little different, I considered bringing him with me during the IPTL Manila leg in 2015. The Judas Best Friend I Once Had was not a tennis fan. I invited him for a fun change. Daddy was not the Plan A considering we already had this adventure together in 2014. Excuses and more excuses were what I received from the Judas Best Friend I Once Had. He was annoying to hear so I got him off the plan and went back with my dad instead. Best decision of my life!
Five,
“Are you obsessed with me?” I showed concern for him multiple times. He misinterpreted my pure intention multiple times too. When he asked me if I was obsessed about him, my mind was laughing hard. What on Earth was he thinking. We were homies. It was expected of me to show concern for my brother from another mother. Showing empathy for a person is entirely different from showing obsession. By definition, obsession is an unhealthy thought that causes distressing emotions.
Six,
“Are you jealous with that I have a girlfriend?” For real? I would get envy if his girlfriend is Ana Ivanovic – the former-World Number 1 in women’s tennis. Serious though, I was happier than him when I knew he had a girlfriend that he wanted to marry in 2017. I even offered a dinner treat when the girlfriend arrived here in Davao, which as expected he did not get my intention.
Seven,
“She can change my life.” This was how he viewed his feelings for someone we were in love with back in 2007. Sure, we were in a love triangle, but his feelings were not as realistic as I expected it to be. I love Alize Cornet-look-alike for who she is. This love I have for her stem from the years of good friendship we have. I never see her as a rehab center to change me.
Eight,
Blaming Game. The Judas Best Friend I Once Had was good at this game. When I confronted him about his betrayal, he kept blaming someone else. He sounded nonsense. I tried to interject politely. My intention was to correct his way of understanding things. For a predictable reason, he got annoyed and tore the red polo shirt I gave him in front of me. He went home with that torn shirt.
I AM SURVIVORDEAN 