Never Trust Too Much | Bro, Why Me?

Betrayal. (n) breaking of violation of a trust or confidence by that produces moral and psychological conflict.

A best friend betrayal is a sting of a jellyfish. I want to forget it but it won’t. It disturbs me every day. It makes me ask more questions even I have answers. It makes me wonder if I wasted 18 years of life being with a brother from another mother, who simply fake things.

Best-Friend-Betrayal
The Count of Monte Cristo (c) Dribble

Before 2017

I began suspecting there’s more to his sadness. I couldn’t convince him to go somewhere and chill. All I received were layers and layers of excuses. Chatting to him in Messenger was a pain in the ass too. He talked less. He shared less.

I tested his loyalty by unfriending him. In my mind, he’d immediately re-friend me once he knew it’s an honest mistake. I knew it’s a stupid test but never mind, he failed.

January 2017

It took him almost a year to re-friend me. Seems it’s a wake up call to me to question his loyalty, but I never believed the sign. It wasn’t an objective sign anyway.

He told me he wanted a new girlfriend. I remembered I said to him “Man, you can’t be a cool homie to me, now you want a romantic relationship, you must be kidding me, right?”

My intention was to let him know the kind of person he’d become but his interpretation was differently annoying. His response was filled with malice. He always thought I was gay but I laugh whenever he told me that.

Those were the conversations we had. Most were jokes. We never meant it. Some days, we had conflicting point of views but I understood it why. He’s a conservative.

March 2017

I put my complete trust in him. I wanted to believe we’re still loyal with each other until he shared one of our sensitive conversations with his new girlfriend.

My world spun literally when I knew he implied to her I have identity crisis. He made me look like a gay who is sexually attracted to him. He also shared we had conflicts.

As expected, his girlfriend would feel I’m trying to steal him from her.

I confronted him through chat. I asked him why. He told me he’s introducing me as his best friend to her.

In my mind, “Woah, it’s a great introduction. Is this his way of getting her to trust him? Is he making a fake news about me for him to get an advantage?”

Look, I’m his best friend. His girlfriend would interpret it differently.

I never said those words in chat. Instead, our Messenger exploded with hurtful exchange of words that I never expected of me to say to him. He unfriended me as expected.

I challenged him to face me offline and end our friendship. He answered no. He felt afraid.

I told him I can sue him for making me look like a gay person with identity crisis.

The following day, we argued offline. I expected a smooth-sailing conversation to settle things but he was the one screaming at me. He wasn’t thinking he was the one who betray me.

I was angry too but I chose to remain calm. I wasn’t raising my voice for him to understand me clearly.

He kept repeating the moment we had a sensitive conversation. It supposed to be a funny and senseless conversation between two adult men. It’s a joke, I was even laughing when we’re chatting ’bout it but for some reasons unclear to me, he’s taking it too seriously.

I asked him again about the identity crisis thing but all I get were crappy answers. It’s a clear sign of lack of empathy.

In my mind, I asked: “What’s wrong with this man? He becomes someone who only cares about his phony clean face.”

His way of thinking to the situation was the things he said were nothing to his girlfriend. It’s pure nonsense, right? If it’s nothing to him – of course, it would mean something to her. She doesn’t know me at all.

Clearly, he didn’t realize he wasn’t man enough to stand for his best friend.

He didn’t realize he’s making fun of my reputation too. Just for the record: We’re best friends for 18 years. We have no secrets; therefore, I know if he tells me lies.

He apologized through texts the next day but it wasn’t enough. The damage is done. A piece of “I am sorry…” couldn’t resurrect a dead dog.

What’s the difference between him and Judas?

I decided to give him a chance. I let him know to protect our conversations and never share it to anyone. His response; however, was seemingly he’s obliged to do it.

He kept telling me I’m overthinking things and I couldn’t get why.

There’s also this thing that he said to me about other people gossiping. To him, I must not get angry if their gay gossips about me are false.

I doubted if he gets the exact point I’m implying. I didn’t have problems with other people. Was he trying to make me a fool?

The issue here was him being my best friend (not other people) making stories to his girlfriend that I’m sexually attracted to him. 

April 2017

His girlfriend arrived. I called him to get some news (congratulate him too for having the one) but he never answered the calls.

I reached out. I offered a dinner with them because I knew he’s going to marry her. I made this offer even if I knew he wasn’t making me his best man.

I remembered when I asked him who his best man, he gave me this eccentric definition of a best man. He said it’s a mutual friend between the groom and the bride. He said I don’t know his wife-to-be so I’m not the right fit to be his best man.

When he said that, I sensed something not right. It’s either he’s shameful of me being his best man or we’re not the best friends we used to be. Whatever his weird reasoning was, it hurts like hell.

Back to the offer I made, he’s hesitant again. I could sense he’s making a lot of excuses – excuses of not having time.

*****

It’s the moment I fully realize the best friend I consider becomes a no one. He’s the one talking nonsense behind my back, and he had no plans to repair the damage.

No need to re-consider or overthink (if this is what he only thinks I’m doing). WE’RE DONE!