Between a backstabbing best friend and a betrayed best friend, the latter suffers more. I was in that position. I was in a heavy position for the first quarter of 2017.
Shame on me for trusting him too much. I was there for him when he almost gave up on life multiple times, but when it’s time for him to protect our nonsense conversations, he treated me like an ordinary friend he knew yesterday.
It’s clearly a betrayal of trust. Our best friendship was something rare these days but it’s healthier to burn bridges permanently than to trust the wrong person again. RIP Best Friendship!
Luckily, when a window closes, a door opens. Two special moments saved me from toxicity before 2017 ends.
October 7, Davao Convention Center – It’s a Saturday. I was invited by Melanie Nazareno, PTRP (She’s a clinical instructor in Davao Doctors College) to speak in front of 40 families with children diagnosed with cerebral palsy.
It’s my first time to talk in front of a crowd.
Nervous as I was, the moment began (as pictured). I opened the speech with a cordial “Hi” and ended it with the word “Survivor.”
It’s a simple speech overall but in my own little way, I was hopeful my words made a difference, and all dads and moms there would still remember the story I shared one year from now.
October 23, Davao Doctors Hospital (DDH) – My physiatrist wanted me to come to her clinic for a Free Botox Treatment. It’s the long-term treatment for my spastic thighs.
I was with a group of experienced rehab doctors and a physical therapist that night. It’s a delight listening to their discussion. Doctors have this it’s-hard-to-explain ability to satisfy my curiosity even if I’m only listening.
While the cure was injected into my spastic adductors and hamstrings, all I could think of is tennis. I didn’t see myself playing like Rafa after the treatment. It’s unrealistic.
Let’s say I was more daydreaming than expecting. Sounds crazy but this made me calm.
After immunization, my legs were kinda light and 10x less spastic. It felt I have a new pair of 60% Feather-like legs and a bag of concrete was released inside me.
My muscle spasticity will return of course. We’re inseparable but one thing is for sure, my story doesn’t here. The search for a full long-term treatment continues in 2018 and beyond!
Betrayal. (n) breaking of violation of a trust or confidence by that produces moral and psychological conflict.
A best friend betrayal is a sting of a jellyfish. I want to forget it but it won’t. It disturbs me every day. It makes me ask more questions even I have answers. It makes me wonder if I wasted 18 years of life being with a brother from another mother, who simply fake things.
I began suspecting there’s more to his sadness. I couldn’t convince him to go somewhere and chill. All I received were layers and layers of excuses. Chatting to him in Messenger was a pain in the ass too. He talked less. He shared less.
I tested his loyalty by unfriending him. In my mind, he’d immediately re-friend me once he knew it’s an honest mistake. I knew it’s a stupid test but never mind, he failed.
It took him almost a year to re-friend me. Seems it’s a wake up call to me to question his loyalty, but I never believed the sign. It wasn’t an objective sign anyway.
He told me he wanted a new girlfriend. I remembered I said to him “Man, you can’t be a cool homie to me, now you want a romantic relationship, you must be kidding me, right?”
My intention was to let him know the kind of person he’d become but his interpretation was differently annoying. His response was filled with malice. He always thought I was gay but I laugh whenever he told me that.
Those were the conversations we had. Most were jokes. We never meant it. Some days, we had conflicting point of views but I understood it why. He’s a conservative.
I put my complete trust in him. I wanted to believe we’re still loyal with each other until he shared one of our sensitive conversations with his new girlfriend.
My world spun literally when I knew he implied to her I have identity crisis. He made me look like a gay who is sexually attracted to him. He also shared we had conflicts.
As expected, his girlfriend would feel I’m trying to steal him from her.
I confronted him through chat. I asked him why. He told me he’s introducing me as his best friend to her.
In my mind, “Woah, it’s a great introduction. Is this his way of getting her to trust him? Is he making a fake news about me for him to get an advantage?”
Look, I’m his best friend. His girlfriend would interpret it differently.
I never said those words in chat. Instead, our Messenger exploded with hurtful exchange of words that I never expected of me to say to him. He unfriended me as expected.
I challenged him to face me offline and end our friendship. He answered no. He felt afraid.
I told him I can sue him for making me look like a gay person with identity crisis.
The following day, we argued offline. I expected a smooth-sailing conversation to settle things but he was the one screaming at me. He wasn’t thinking he was the one who betray me.
I was angry too but I chose to remain calm. I wasn’t raising my voice for him to understand me clearly.
He kept repeating the moment we had a sensitive conversation. It supposed to be a funny and senseless conversation between two adult men. It’s a joke, I was even laughing when we’re chatting ’bout it but for some reasons unclear to me, he’s taking it too seriously.
I asked him again about the identity crisis thing but all I get were crappy answers. It’s a clear sign of lack of empathy.
In my mind, I asked: “What’s wrong with this man? He becomes someone who only cares about his phony clean face.”
His way of thinking to the situation was the things he said were nothing to his girlfriend. It’s pure nonsense, right? If it’s nothing to him – of course, it would mean something to her. She doesn’t know me at all.
Clearly, he didn’t realize he wasn’t man enough to stand for his best friend.
He didn’t realize he’s making fun of my reputation too. Just for the record: We’re best friends for 18 years. We have no secrets; therefore, I know if he tells me lies.
He apologized through texts the next day but it wasn’t enough. The damage is done. A piece of “I am sorry…” couldn’t resurrect a dead dog.
What’s the difference between him and Judas?
I decided to give him a chance. I let him know to protect our conversations and never share it to anyone. His response; however, was seemingly he’s obliged to do it.
He kept telling me I’m overthinking things and I couldn’t get why.
There’s also this thing that he said to me about other people gossiping. To him, I must not get angry if their gay gossips about me are false.
I doubted if he gets the exact point I’m implying. I didn’t have problems with other people. Was he trying to make me a fool?
The issue here was him being my best friend (not other people) making stories to his girlfriend that I’m sexually attracted to him.
His girlfriend arrived. I called him to get some news (congratulate him too for having the one) but he never answered the calls.
I reached out. I offered a dinner with them because I knew he’s going to marry her. I made this offer even if I knew he wasn’t making me his best man.
I remembered when I asked him who his best man, he gave me this eccentric definition of a best man. He said it’s a mutual friend between the groom and the bride. He said I don’t know his wife-to-be so I’m not the right fit to be his best man.
When he said that, I sensed something not right. It’s either he’s shameful of me being his best man or we’re not the best friends we used to be. Whatever his weird reasoning was, it hurts like hell.
Back to the offer I made, he’s hesitant again. I could sense he’s making a lot of excuses – excuses of not having time.
It’s the moment I fully realize the best friend I consider becomes a no one. He’s the one talking nonsense behind my back, and he had no plans to repair the damage.
No need to re-consider or overthink (if this is what he only thinks I’m doing, I am analyzing by the way. Don’t be stupid repeating I overthink a lot). WE ARE DONE.
I knew him since third grade. We became homies in high school. Other people couldn’t understand why. He and I were like black and blue. We’re complete opposites. He’s walking-able who loves math. I’m spastic with a walker who loves psychology.
Notice the polarity? Yet, there’s this one episode in life that tested our bond.
College days, the friendship continued but limited. After graduation, we realized we fell in love with the same girl (love triangle for crying out loud!). I won’t name names but this girl was my closest friend.
She’s special to me. He’s my best friend.
I knew he felt a bit angry when I revealed I was falling in love with his high school crush. But I gathered all my courage. I went to his house and we talked like adult men.
Bad times happened. We went home brokenhearted.
He went to Manila for a new job offer. Friendship still continued. Homie and I continued chatting in Facebook – about work, money, new lifestyle and new love. Crazy stuffs included.
I dated someone. She was my college classmate. I was trying to know her better. I discontinued. I realized I never loved her.
Homie dated too. It seemed he had a new girlfriend for some time but he’s in denial to admit it. His Facebook status stayed “Single” but I didn’t buy it at all.
We bonded multiple times when he went back here in Davao. I knew what he went through. It ain’t easy and I chose not to detail it here.
It’s too personal to share.
It was late 2014 when I noticed our friendship was fading. Each time I invited him to chill somewhere, he’s always busy.
No problem with me. Yet, I noticed something different. It’s something unusual.
He’s getting more tired when I reached out through telephone or chat.
He’s complaining a lot. Too pressured.
I could put myself in his situation. I wanted to help but I wasn’t sure how.
I was only the best friend. I belonged in his second layer of support system.
I was aware telling him to relax was never enough. There were times I insisted him to chill, to cut his routine but his hectic schedule won’t allow him.
We never met in two years. Birthdays. Christmas. Ordinary days. We only talked online.
As expected, he complained a lot. Tired of this. Tired of that. Too much stress.
His voice sounded sad most of the time.
If he’s telling me the truth, it’s okay. If he’s telling me lies, that’s okay too. Yet, I couldn’t still deny there’s something different in the situation.
To make things clearer, I consulted his current situation to a psychologist. My goal was to understand and help him better.
I seemed to realize I was in the best position to help him. I clarified things to his mom and sister.
I asked if he was still doing anything to relax. Glad to hear he still was.
Currently, he finds a new girlfriend. In my mind, I said awesome, this is something new and something good to him.
It helps him become less sad. It gives him the sweet direction despite of a hectic routine.
I joke him though when we chat. These are the kind of bro-jokes shared by two young adults.
We’re millennials, you know.
I always laugh whenever I sent him these jokes. Yet, for some reasons unclear to me, he takes these jokes seriously.
I consider him conservative. Too sensitive in many controversial topics. I’m a liberal on the other hand.
I talk openly to him. I can approach a situation seriously (if needed) but most of the time, I say things jokingly. He’s my homie anyway.