Never Trust Too Much | Bro, Why Me?

Betrayal. (noun) breaking of violation of a trust or confidence by that produces moral and psychological conflict…

A best friend betrayal is a sting of a jellyfish. I want to forget it but it won’t. It disturbs me every day. It makes me ask more questions even I have answers. It makes me wonder if I wasted 18 years of life being with a brother from another mother, who simply fake things.

Best-Friend-Betrayal
The Count of Monte Cristo (c) Dribble

Before 2017

I began suspecting there’s more to his sadness. I couldn’t convince him to go somewhere and chill. All I received were layers and layers of excuses. Chatting to him in Messenger was a pain in the ass too. He talked less. He shared less.

I tested his loyalty by unfriending him. In my mind, he’d immediately re-friend me once he knew it’s an honest mistake. I knew it’s a stupid test but never mind, he failed.

January 2017

It took him almost a year to re-friend me. Seems it’s a wake up call to me to question his loyalty, but I never believed the sign. It wasn’t an objective sign anyway.

He told me he wanted a new girlfriend. I remembered I said to him “Man, you can’t be a cool homie to me, now you want a romantic relationship, you must be kidding me, right?”

My intention was to let him know the kind of person he’d become but his interpretation was differently annoying. His response was filled with malice. He always thought I was gay but I laugh whenever he told me that.

Those were the conversations we had. Most were jokes. We never meant it. Some days, we had conflicting point of views but I understood it why. He’s a conservative.

March 2017

I put my complete trust in him. I wanted to believe we’re still loyal with each other until he shared one of our sensitive conversations with his new girlfriend.

My world spun literally when I knew he implied to her I have identity crisis. He made me look like a gay who is sexually attractive to him. He also shared we had conflicts.

As expected, his girlfriend would feel I’m trying to steal him from her. She doesn’t know me at all; therefore, she would believe everything he’d say.

I confronted him through chat. I asked him why. He told me he’s introducing me as his best friend to her.

In my mind, “Woah, it’s a great introduction. Is this his way of getting her to trust you? Is he making a fake news about me for him to get an advantage?”

Look, I’m his best friend. His girlfriend would interpret it as me making him a victim and he was the hero.

I never said those words in chat. Instead, our Messenger exploded with hurtful exchange of words that I never expected of me to say to him. He unfriended me as expected.

I challenged him to face me offline and end our friendship. He answered no. He felt afraid.

I told him I can sue him for making me look like a gay person with identity crisis.

The following day, we argued offline. I expected a smooth-sailing conversation to settle things but he was the one screaming at me. He wasn’t thinking he was the one who betray me.

I was angry too but I chose to remain calm. I wasn’t raising my voice for him to understand me clearly.

He kept repeating the moment we had a sensitive conversation. It supposed to be a funny and senseless conversation between two adult men. It’s a joke, I was even laughing when we’re chatting but for some reasons unclear to me, he’s taking it too seriously.

I asked him again about the identity crisis thing but all I get were crappy answers. It’s a clear sign of lack of empathy. He didn’t realize he wasn’t man enough to stand for his best friend.

In my mind, I asked: “What’s wrong with this man? He becomes someone who only cares about his face.”

He didn’t realize he’s making fun of my reputation too. Just for the record: We’re best friends for 18 years. We have no secrets; therefore, I know if he tells me lies.

Just because he has a girlfriend who he wants to marry (and I know it), he betrays me like he’s some kind of a pro. What’s the difference between him and Judas?

He apologized through texts but it wasn’t enough. The damage is done. A piece of “I am sorry…” couldn’t resurrect a dead dog.

I decided to give him a chance. I let him know to protect our conversations and never share it to anyone. His response was seemingly he’s obliged to do it.

He kept telling me I’m overthinking things and I couldn’t get why. For this, I doubted if he gets the exact point I’m implying, or was he trying to make me a fool, convincing me we’re cool?

April 2017

His girlfriend arrived. I called him to get some news (congratulate him too for having the one) but he never answered the calls.

I reached out. I offered a dinner with them because I knew he’s going to marry her. I made this offer even if I knew he wasn’t making me his best man.

He’s hesitant though. I could sense he’s making excuses – excuses of not having time.

*****

It’s the moment I fully realize the best friend I consider becomes a no one. He’s the one talking nonsense behind my back and he had no plans to repair the damage.

No need to re-consider or overthink. We’re done!

Never Trust Too Much

I knew him since third grade. We became homies in high school. Other people couldn’t understand why. He and I were like black and blue. We’re complete opposites. He’s walking-able who loves math. I’m spastic with a walker who loves psychology.

Broken-Chain
Trust takes years to build. It takes second to break.

Notice the polarity? Yet, there’s this one episode in life that tested our bond.

College days, the friendship continued but limited. After graduation, we realized we fell in love with the same girl (love triangle for crying out loud!). I won’t name names but this girl was my closest friend.

She’s special to me. He’s my best friend.

I knew he felt a bit angry when I revealed I was falling in love with his high school crush. But I gathered all my courage. I went to his house and we talked like adult men.

Bad times happened. We went home brokenhearted.

He went to Manila for a new job offer. Friendship still continued. Homie and I continued chatting in Facebook – about work, money, new lifestyle and new love. Crazy stuffs included.

I dated someone. She was my college classmate. I was trying to know her better. I discontinued. I realized I never loved her.

Homie dated too. It seemed he had a new girlfriend for some time but he’s in denial to admit it. His Facebook status stayed “Single” but I didn’t buy it at all.

We bonded multiple times when he went back here in Davao. I knew what he went through. It ain’t easy and I chose not to detail it here.

It’s too personal to share.

It was late 2014 when I noticed our friendship was fading. Each time I invited him to chill somewhere, he’s always busy.

No problem with me. Yet, I noticed something different. It’s something unusual.

He’s getting more tired when I reached out through telephone or chat.

He’s complaining a lot. Too pressured.

I could put myself in his situation. I wanted to help but I wasn’t sure how.

I was only the best friend. I belonged in his second layer of support system.

I was aware telling him to relax was never enough. There were times I insisted him to chill, to cut his routine but his hectic schedule won’t allow him.

We never met in two years. Birthdays. Christmas. Ordinary days. We only talked online.

As expected, he complained a lot. Tired of this. Tired of that. Too much stress.

His voice sounded sad most of the time.

If he’s telling me the truth, it’s okay. If he’s telling me lies, that’s okay too. Yet, I couldn’t still deny there’s something different in the situation.

To make things clearer, I consulted his current situation to a psychologist. My goal was to understand and help him better.

I seemed to realize I was in the best position to help him. I clarified things to his mom and sister.

I asked if he was still doing anything to relax. Glad to hear he still was.

Currently, he finds a new girlfriend. In my mind, I said awesome, this is something new and something good to him.

It helps him become less sad. It gives him the sweet direction despite of a hectic routine.

I joke him though when we chat. These are the kind of bro-jokes shared by two young adults.

We’re millennials, you know.

I always laugh whenever I sent him these jokes. Yet, for some reasons unclear to me, he takes these jokes seriously.

I consider him conservative. Too sensitive in many controversial topics. I’m a liberal on the other hand.

I talk openly to him. I can approach a situation seriously (if needed) but most of the time, I say things jokingly. He’s my homie anyway.

I’m not sure what happened. He and his new girlfriend talked about me. The way I understand things, he shared some private information between us to her.

I never meet his girlfriend. I don’t even know the name.

I’m looking forward meeting her but that’s another different story.

I wonder why he reveals those information when it’s something too personal.

I don’t need to read their chats to know but I have good ideas what these are.

Come on, we’re brothers from another mother. Yet, this time around, it confuses me why he did that.

Yeah. We have an imperfect friendship. Things get more serious.

I, however, completely trust him to protect our conversations no matter what.

He has my life on his hand. I have his.

Back in the love triangle days, I never mentioned anything bad or good about him whenever I was with his crush.

The situation that time was: His crush and I (close friends) is entirely different from him and I (best friends) and I, his crush and him (triangle).

Seems like, I can feel confident if he shared the private conversations he had with his new girlfriend to his high school crush.

His crush was my close friend. She knew my story. She could judge me fairly.

I’m fully aware he wants his new girlfriend to trust him. Yes. She’s a complete stranger to me, however.

Why go too personal to someone new?

If he wants to talk about themselves then go ahead. Yet, I belong to a different zone.

Yes. I know. He only wants to introduce me but why introduce me with the private conversations we had (which is surely sensitive to other people, even it’s a joke)?

In this situation, it goes out like this:

Him and his new girlfriend (romantic relationship)

Him and I (best friends)

This time around, he belongs in the center. I trust him to protect me just I protected him. It’s no-brainer.

I don’t exactly understand. Seems like, the trust I have for him collapse.

As what Warren Buffet said: “It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it.”

He holds my reputation. He holds the story of my life. Why share it to someone I never knew? For how long have he been sharing this?

I heard his answers but come on, I’m no stupid. Why?

When I ask why, it doesn’t mean I want more answers. It means I couldn’t believe it.

We’re homies. Yes. But we have limitations. Every friendship has. Every relationship needs it.

Our world is our kingdom. No strangers allowed, right?

Given. He trusts his new girlfriend, and he plans to marry her.

Why immediately give her the kingdom we built for years?

As I said, her girlfriend and I never meet. I don’t even know her name. We’re not friends yet, even in Facebook.

Realistically, their world isn’t my world. My world is his world too. Not hers.

For now, it feels a mixture of disbelief, hurt and betrayal. Looks like I have no best man when the time comes for me to marry.

The story of our friendship turns sour instantly. Broken chain.