Never Trust Too Much | Bro, Why Me?

Betrayal. (noun) breaking of violation of a trust or confidence by that produces moral and psychological conflict…

A best friend betrayal is a sting of a jellyfish. I want to forget it but it won’t. It disturbs me every day. It makes me ask more questions even I have answers. It makes me wonder if I wasted 18 years of life being with a brother from another mother, who simply fake things.

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The Count of Monte Cristo (c) Dribble

Before 2017

I began suspecting there’s more to his sadness. I couldn’t convince him to go somewhere and chill. All I received were layers and layers of excuses. Chatting to him in Messenger was a pain in the ass too. He talked less. He shared less.

I tested his loyalty by unfriending him. In my mind, he’d immediately re-friend me once he knew it’s an honest mistake. I knew it’s a stupid test but never mind, he failed.

January 2017

It took him almost a year to re-friend me. Seems it’s a wake up call to me to question his loyalty, but I never believed the sign. It wasn’t an objective sign anyway.

He told me he wanted a new girlfriend. I remembered I said to him “Man, you can’t be a cool homie to me, now you want a romantic relationship, you must be kidding me, right?”

My intention was to let him know the kind of person he’d become but his interpretation was differently annoying. His response was filled with malice. He always thought I was gay but I laugh whenever he told me that.

Those were the conversations we had. Most were jokes. We never meant it. Some days, we had conflicting point of views but I understood it why. He’s a conservative.

March 2017

I put my complete trust in him. I wanted to believe we’re still loyal with each other until he shared one of our sensitive conversations with his new girlfriend.

My world spun literally when I knew he implied to her I have identity crisis. He made me look like a gay who is sexually attractive to him. He also shared we had conflicts.

As expected, his girlfriend would feel I’m trying to steal him from her. She doesn’t know me at all; therefore, she would believe everything he’d say.

I confronted him through chat. I asked him why. He told me he’s introducing me as his best friend to her.

In my mind, “Woah, it’s a great introduction. Is this his way of getting her to trust you? Is he making a fake news about me for him to get an advantage?”

Look, I’m his best friend. His girlfriend would interpret it as me making him a victim and he was the hero.

I never said those words in chat. Instead, our Messenger exploded with hurtful exchange of words that I never expected of me to say to him. He unfriended me as expected.

I challenged him to face me offline and end our friendship. He answered no. He felt afraid.

I told him I can sue him for making me look like a gay person with identity crisis.

The following day, we argued offline. I expected a smooth-sailing conversation to settle things but he was the one screaming at me. He wasn’t thinking he was the one who betray me.

I was angry too but I chose to remain calm. I wasn’t raising my voice for him to understand me clearly.

He kept repeating the moment we had a sensitive conversation. It supposed to be a funny and senseless conversation between two adult men. It’s a joke, I was even laughing when we’re chatting but for some reasons unclear to me, he’s taking it too seriously.

I asked him again about the identity crisis thing but all I get were crappy answers. It’s a clear sign of lack of empathy. He didn’t realize he wasn’t man enough to stand for his best friend.

In my mind, I asked: “What’s wrong with this man? He becomes someone who only cares about his face.”

He didn’t realize he’s making fun of my reputation too. Just for the record: We’re best friends for 18 years. We have no secrets; therefore, I know if he tells me lies.

Just because he has a girlfriend who he wants to marry (and I know it), he betrays me like he’s some kind of a pro. What’s the difference between him and Judas?

He apologized through texts but it wasn’t enough. The damage is done. A piece of “I am sorry…” couldn’t resurrect a dead dog.

I decided to give him a chance. I let him know to protect our conversations and never share it to anyone. His response was seemingly he’s obliged to do it.

He kept telling me I’m overthinking things and I couldn’t get why. For this, I doubted if he gets the exact point I’m implying, or was he trying to make me a fool, convincing me we’re cool?

April 2017

His girlfriend arrived. I called him to get some news (congratulate him too for having the one) but he never answered the calls.

I reached out. I offered a dinner with them because I knew he’s going to marry her. I made this offer even if I knew he wasn’t making me his best man.

He’s hesitant though. I could sense he’s making excuses – excuses of not having time.

*****

It’s the moment I fully realize the best friend I consider becomes a no one. He’s the one talking nonsense behind my back and he had no plans to repair the damage.

No need to re-consider or overthink. We’re done!

My Top 5: June 2017

No one cares about this countdown but me!

5. Strip That Down – Liam Payne ft. Quavo

You know, that since the day I met you. Yeah, you swept me off my feet. You know, that I don’t need no money. When your love is beside me. Yeah, you opened up my heart. And then you threw away the key. Girl, now it’s just you and me. And you don’t care ’bout, where I’ve been. (AZ Lyrics)

4. Wild Thoughts – DJ Khaled ft. Rihanna & Bryson Tiller

I don’t know if you could take it. Know you wanna see me nakey, nakey, naked. I wanna be your baby, baby, baby. Spinning and it’s wet just like it came from Maytag. White girl wasted on that brown liquor. When I get like this I can’t be around you. I’m too lit to dim down a notch. ‘Cause I could name some thangs that I’m gon’ do. When I’m with you, all I get is wild thoughts. (AZ Lyrics)

3. Attention – Charlie Puth

You just want attention. You don’t want my heart. Maybe you just hate the thought of me with someone new. Yeah, you just want attention. I knew from the start. You’re just making sure I’m never gettin’ over you, oh. (AZ Lyrics)

2. Pick You Up – Kevin Ross

So don’t forget when life brings you down. It won’t last forever, it’s just for now. Everything will turn back around. So you don’t have to stay on the ground. (AZ Lyrics)

(1) Believer – Imagine Dragons

Pain! You made me a, you made me a believer, believer. Pain! You break me down, you build me up, believer, believer. Pain! Let the bullets fly, oh let them rain. My life, my love, my drive, it came from… Pain! You made me a, you made me a believer, believer. (AZ Lyrics)

My Top 5: March – May 2017

No one cares about this countdown but me!

5. March – April – May

Beauty and The Beast – Arianna Grande & John Legend

Distance – Omarion

Long Song Away – Kevin Ross

4. March – April – May

Let Me Help You – Mario

She Lovin’ It – Trey Songz

Way Back – TLC

3. March – April – May

I Feel It Coming – The Weeknd ft. Daft Punk

I Think Of You – Jeremih ft. Chris Brown & Big Sean

Attention – Charlie Puth

2. March – April – May

That’s What I Like – Bruno Mars

I Feel It Coming – The Weeknd ft. Daft Punk

I’m The One – DJ Khaled ft. Justin Bieber, Chance The Rapper, Quavo, Lil Wayne

  1. March – April – May

Bom Bidi Bom – Nick Jonas ft. Nicki Minaj

 

Bom bidi bom bom bom eh-yo. Bom bidi bom bom. You give me bad bad love. But I love it baby. Love me all night long. If you want baby, like. Bom bidi bom bom bom eh-yo. Bom bidi bom bom bom. ‘Cause you’re a bad bad girl. But I love it baby. Love me all night long. If you want baby, yeah. (AZ Lyrics)

#Survivor Insights 208: Sarah Lacina Wins Game Changers – Lesson Of The Story (E12)

A game changer is a progressive thinker. You have the ability to change the course of the game when you can find the right time to trust someone before you’re lied upon, to betray someone before you’re betrayed and to blindside before you’re blindsided.

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Sarah Lacina, 32, Iowa

Photo Courtesy of: CBS

 

#Survivor Insights 207: Game Changers – Lessons Of The Story (Episode 11)

Anyone can blindside you. Even a middle ground game isn’t a guarantee. It either saves you or backfires at you.

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Andrea Boehlke, 27, New York

There’s no such thing as perfect strategy. It’s still possible to blindside you even if you “found a way to play your game from inside the box that other people have created for you.”

Michaela Bradshaw
Michaela Bradshaw, 25, Texas

Photos Courtesy of: CBS