Never Trust Too Much

I knew him since third grade. We became homies in high school. Other people couldn’t understand why. He and I were like black and blue. We’re complete opposites. He’s walking-able who loves math. I’m spastic with a walker who loves psychology.

Trust takes years to build. It takes second to break.

Notice the polarity? Yet, there’s this one episode in life that tested our bond.

College days, the friendship continued but limited. After graduation, we realized we fell in love with the same girl (love triangle for crying out loud!). I won’t name names but this girl was my closest friend.

She’s special to me. He’s my best friend.

I knew he felt a bit angry when I revealed I was falling in love with his high school crush. But I gathered all my courage. I went to his house and we talked like adult men.

Bad times happened. We went home brokenhearted.

He went to Manila for a new job offer. Friendship still continued. Homie and I continued chatting in Facebook – about work, money, new lifestyle and new love. Crazy stuffs included.

I dated someone. She was my college classmate. I was trying to know her better. I discontinued. I realized I never loved her.

Homie dated too. It seemed he had a new girlfriend for some time but he’s in denial to admit it. His Facebook status stayed “Single” but I didn’t buy it at all.

We bonded multiple times when he went back here in Davao. I knew what he went through. It ain’t easy and I chose not to detail it here.

It’s too personal to share.

It was late 2014 when I noticed our friendship was fading. Each time I invited him to chill somewhere, he’s always busy.

No problem with me. Yet, I noticed something different. It’s something unusual.

He’s getting more tired when I reached out through telephone or chat.

He’s complaining a lot. Too pressured.

I could put myself in his situation. I wanted to help but I wasn’t sure how.

I was only the best friend. I belonged in his second layer of support system.

I was aware telling him to relax was never enough. There were times I insisted him to chill, to cut his routine but his hectic schedule won’t allow him.

We never met in two years. Birthdays. Christmas. Ordinary days. We only talked online.

As expected, he complained a lot. Tired of this. Tired of that. Too much stress.

His voice sounded sad most of the time.

If he’s telling me the truth, it’s okay. If he’s telling me lies, that’s okay too. Yet, I couldn’t still deny there’s something different in the situation.

To make things clearer, I consulted his current situation to a psychologist. My goal was to understand and help him better.

I seemed to realize I was in the best position to help him. I clarified things to his mom and sister.

I asked if he was still doing anything to relax. Glad to hear he still was.

Currently, he finds a new girlfriend. In my mind, I said awesome, this is something new and something good to him.

It helps him become less sad. It gives him the sweet direction despite of a hectic routine.

I joke him though when we chat. These are the kind of bro-jokes shared by two young adults.

We’re millennials, you know.

I always laugh whenever I sent him these jokes. Yet, for some reasons unclear to me, he takes these jokes seriously.

I consider him conservative. Too sensitive in many controversial topics. I’m a liberal on the other hand.

I talk openly to him. I can approach a situation seriously (if needed) but most of the time, I say things jokingly. He’s my homie anyway.

I’m not sure what happened. He and his new girlfriend talked about me. The way I understand things, he shared some private information between us to her.

I never meet his girlfriend. I don’t even know the name.

I’m looking forward meeting her but that’s another different story.

I wonder why he reveals those information when it’s something too personal.

I don’t need to read their chats to know but I have good ideas what these are.

Come on, we’re brothers from another mother. Yet, this time around, it confuses me why he did that.

Yeah. We have an imperfect friendship. Things get more serious.

I, however, completely trust him to protect our conversations no matter what.

He has my life on his hand. I have his.

Back in the love triangle days, I never mentioned anything bad or good about him whenever I was with his crush.

The situation that time was: His crush and I (close friends) is entirely different from him and I (best friends) and I, his crush and him (triangle).

Seems like, I can feel confident if he shared the private conversations he had with his new girlfriend to his high school crush.

His crush was my close friend. She knew my story. She could judge me fairly.

I’m fully aware he wants his new girlfriend to trust him. Yes. She’s a complete stranger to me, however.

Why go too personal to someone new?

If he wants to talk about themselves then go ahead. Yet, I belong to a different zone.

Yes. I know. He only wants to introduce me but why introduce me with the private conversations we had (which is surely sensitive to other people, even it’s a joke)?

In this situation, it goes out like this:

Him and his new girlfriend (romantic relationship)

Him and I (best friends)

This time around, he belongs in the center. I trust him to protect me just I protected him. It’s no-brainer.

I don’t exactly understand. Seems like, the trust I have for him collapse.

As what Warren Buffet said: “It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it.”

He holds my reputation. He holds the story of my life. Why share it to someone I never knew? For how long have he been sharing this?

I heard his answers but come on, I’m no stupid. Why?

When I ask why, it doesn’t mean I want more answers. It means I couldn’t believe it.

We’re homies. Yes. But we have limitations. Every friendship has. Every relationship needs it.

Our world is our kingdom. No strangers allowed, right?

Given. He trusts his new girlfriend, and he plans to marry her.

Why immediately give her the kingdom we built for years?

As I said, her girlfriend and I never meet. I don’t even know her name. We’re not friends yet, even in Facebook.

Realistically, their world isn’t my world. My world is his world too. Not hers.

For now, it feels a mixture of disbelief, hurt and betrayal. Looks like I have no best man when the time comes for me to marry.

The story of our friendship turns sour instantly. Broken chain.

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